Friday, September 18, 2015

Here's to More Birthdays

Birthdays post-cancer are a funny thing. I mean, of course they're great and we want more of them, but being diagnosed with cancer doesn't mean you don't notice the lack of collagen as the years pass. Or get irritated by grey hairs you-know-where when another part of you remembers you should just be happy to have hair.

Cancer doesn't give you a free pass when it comes to being weirded out about all the things that happen as you get older. For example, I have what I thought was the makings of a pimple on my chin, but now I'm pretty sure is just an ingrown hair. On my chin. Why? WHY ARE HAIRS GROWING THERE BUT NOT ON MY EYEBROWS!!!

So, I'm ecstatic to have more birthdays but also not going to pretend I don't notice the fine lines around my eyes or the fact that I can't eat peanut butter straight out of the jar (sometimes with a spoon) without then having to get raised eyebrows from the nurse at my oncologist's office as he weighs me in and sees I've gained four pounds. Sigh. But also? I don't really care. Because you only live once, and sometimes peanut butter is worth it.

I'm talking about getting older because my 37th birthday was last weekend. Somehow, that makes FIVE birthdays since I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. SO, YES, I HAD A CUPCAKE. And a bourbon drink. What can I say? I celebrated.

I celebrated with friends and my husband who arranged a small gathering at a local...speakeasy? Hipster dive bar? There was skee ball and air hockey (at least I think. Us parents sat and visited the whole time. We were just happy to have a night of uninterrupted conversations. Even though, sure, ninety percent of those conversations were about our kids.)

We were clearly the early crowd, arriving at seven and ordering menu items like charcuterie and arugula flatbreads. Then around 9:30 things shifted, and we were easily the oldest, quietest, least collagen-ed people in the place. I vaguely remember a time when Chris and I used to leave to go out for the night around 10 p.m. (Here's photographic evidence.)

{circa 2006, celebrating Chris's 30th birthday}
But last weekend, we were home by 11, in bed shortly after, and I was still tired for two days because of it. And here's where I don't know whether to blame cancer treatments or aging or possibly even just being a parent to a little boy who wakes up ready to run and wrestle and do all of the things at seven a.m. But life is short, so why not do all of the things?

Here's to more birthdays and more doing and more celebrating (but maybe less peanut butter).

6 comments:

  1. It's aging. Congrats on the 5 birthdays!!!!!

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    1. Thanks, Misty! Hope all is going well for you in your new digs!

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  2. Well, i guess you can blame cancer for tiredness, aging etc. 37 is not OLD. I am almost the same age and i look like aftermath of a disaster. Chemo, menopause and tamoxifen has robbed me of my natural beauty. I just dread the mirror. I wish you a very very long life. Keep writing.

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    1. It does SUCH a number on our systems, doesn't it? Not to mention the stress that I'm sure adds to frown lines, under-eye circles, etc. Sigh. Thanks for the encouragement on my writing!

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  3. Happy (belated) Birthday!! You are not old. Sometimes we feel old because of a combination of things, cancer treatments being one of them. Funny, I have always had chin hairs since I was a teen (even grey ones). It took several chemo treatments for my chin hairs to fall off. When my hair grew back after chemo, my chin hairs were the first to make a comeback (booooo!).

    I am glad you enjoyed your Birthday! xo

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    1. What is it with those pesky and determined chin hairs?!

      XO

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