Resolutions, Schmesolutions

I have been asked so many times since being diagnosed with cancer whether I've changed my diet. My answer is always: not really. I was pregnant and then nursing for more than a year prior to my diagnosis, and I took those jobs seriously. I aimed to eat organic, whole foods most of the time. I took my prenatal vitamins. I only cooked with organic, free-range, grass-fed meats or wild-caught fish. I might have been a little obnoxious about it, but I hope not too terribly so.

My diet was far from perfect, I'm sure, but it's not like I was eating at McDonald's or KFC. Not that I would judge a person for that. Much.

When I was undergoing chemo-chemo, I ate what I could. Sometimes that meant I was drinking Gatorade -- red dye #5, sugar and all -- just to stay hydrated. Raw fruits and vegetables were largely off-limits because they could carry harmful bacteria, at least until my white blood cell counts rebounded. Not that I had the stomach for salad anyway. I just wanted to keep my weight up and stay reasonably healthy through treatment. If anything, I was less strict about what I ate because I just wanted to have an appetite for anything.

Last year, I even shook my head a little at friends who all seemed to be jumping on the paleo bandwagon. Mostly because the word drives my anthropologist, evolution-studying husband crazy. And I couldn't see how depriving myself of entire food groups was going to make me any happier. (Plus, I was really iffy as to whether it would make me any healthier.)

Do you know that I didn't have any signs of cancer in 2014? 

And so I let some things slide, especially in December. There were neighborhood open houses, cookie exchange parties, end-of-the-semester celebrations, Christmas Eve gatherings, and New Year's Eve toasts. I ate gingerbread and chocolate and cheese and peppermint-and-white-chocolate-covered pretzels and I drank wine and champagne like my pre-cancer self. I thoroughly overindulged. I had the breakouts and bloating to show for it. The holidays were fun, but if any January called for culinary austerity, it was this one.

{image source}

My goal was to do the Whole30 thing. If you're not familiar, it calls for eating whole, fresh foods with no added sweeteners of any kind, no dairy, and no grains for 30 days. Also, no alcohol. As I dug a little deeper into the theory, I came across blogs with quotes like, "You haven't really lived until you've made your own paleo mayonnaise." Or I realized my (uncured, organic) bacon wasn't "diet" enough for this diet because there was some sugar in it. For that kind of bacon, I'd have to pay $18 per pound, and I just couldn't rally myself behind that kind of quackery.

It also turns out that -- although I love to cook -- prepping meals in advance for an entire week is not my forte. I found myself subsisting on mostly Lara bars and trail mix, or apples dipped in almond butter, or "cheating" with non-diet bacon or a bite of Quinn's leftover pancakes.

I've been pretty great about limiting sweets and alcohol, and I'm proud of that. I've cut way down on my dairy and pasta intake. The combination has done wonders for my skin and my digestive system. I'm pretty sure I'm eating more nuts and nut butters and seeds than most birds, so I should probably figure out some alternative snacks.

This experiment has been eye-opening. I will probably never be the type of person who makes her own mayonnaise. Just about every type of packaged food out there has added sugar. A couple of glasses of wine a month might be necessary for my mental health. And I'm terrible at diets that are this restrictive.

Did you make any resolutions this month? Have you stuck with them? If so, please tell me your secrets!   I hear that if I write down my goals and share them with people, I am more likely to stick to them. Hence, this post.

Next up: my other project/resolution of sorts and an update on my book, the ultimate of new year's resolutions.

My Head Is So Far Up in the Clouds...

My head is so far up in the clouds and I don't even have a fun excuse as to why.

There is nothing quite like getting hit with a sinus infection and recovering from chemo to start off a week. I sort of feel like my head is floating above my body somewhere, but somehow it is still throbbing. Unfortunately, it is not too detached for that. Plus, I may have given myself whiplash with the intensity of some of these sneezes. My neck is sore, my eyes feel like they're swimming in slime, even my teeth hurt.

I'm not trying to complain, so much as set out a list of reasons why our house looks like such a wreck (sorry, honey).

A friend recently wondered at how I get everything done, and then I look around my house on a day like today, when I've barely left the couch except to drop Quinn off at school, and I want to set the record straight: I do not even come close to getting everything done.

There are piles of shoes by the door, beds unmade, laundry that needs to be folded, laundry that needs to be washed, and I have no earthly idea what we're having for dinner tonight, but a rotisserie chicken is sounding pretty accessible right now.

I want to do a post about my intentions for the new year, about goal-setting and sugar-reducing and my feeble attempt at the Whole30 thing. But that might have to wait until these antibiotics kick in. Right now, I need a nap (or a cup of coffee).

{5 days ago, when my head was in the clouds for a far different reason}

I just wanted to put it out there that some weeks I do have a decent amount of energy, and I take advantage of it when I can. On those weeks, I go hiking, I go to yoga, I sometimes even fold laundry. I spent a good amount of time over the holidays not thinking a single lick about cancer. I was able to put it so far to the back of my mind that I didn't even care that I had too many glasses of champagne on New Year's Eve, watching Fergie ring in 2015 with some truly awful performances in Times Square. I am so grateful for that. Really.

But on weeks like this one, I barely get out of my pajamas for days in a row. There is no balance, there are just ups and downs. This week, cancer is once again at the forefront, if only in side effects from treatment. At times like these, I remember that I'll feel so much better in a couple of days. (This too shall pass.) I think I said it here before, but the wise words of my sister-in-law bear repeating: You can get through any moment, and eventually, those moments add up and you're on the other side of whatever awful thing you were facing.

The fog will clear, my energy will return, and with any luck I'll be able to breathe through my nose again.

Around the Web

I've been a little remiss in posting these finds. Blame it on summer?

Our local public radio station did a piece earlier this week on summer seasonal affective disorder (SAD). The gist of it was that SAD is just as likely to hit Phoenicians in July and August as it is mid-westerners in February because we are stuck indoors just as much as those shoveling snow mid-winter. I don't think I need antidepressants to deal with Phoenix summers (yet; ask me next month when everyone else has moved on to pumpkin spice lattes and it is still well above 100 here).

But I do my best to get out of here as often as possible in the summer months. I'm limited by my chemo/lab schedule and our budget, but we get creative. Tag along when Chris has a conference in Portland in August? Sign me up. Drive to San Diego to stay with friends for a long weekend before Chris' semester starts again? Yes, please. If I could get away with it, I'd be a total snowbird. As it is, my head still thinks it's on summer vacation.

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Here's what caught my attention on the web the last couple of weeks. See something you think I should include here? Please send me an email.

One More Reason to Limit Pasta?

If only I knew whether my tumor tissue had the IGF-1 receptor. . .  I'll admit I had toast (whole grain, smothered with mashed avocado and a drizzle of olive oil) for breakfast, and we eat pasta or pizza in our home about twice a week. I haven't changed my diet much since my diagnosis, since I've always aimed to eat pretty healthily. Tell me, how has your diet changed (if at all) because of cancer?

Another Gene Mutation to Blame for Breast Cancer

"The breast cancer risk for women younger than 40 with PALB2 mutation was eight to nine times as high as that of the general population."

Guess what I'll be talking to my oncologist about the next time I see him.

A Link Between the Pill and Breast Cancer. Are You Surprised?

"The pill is essential; not getting cancer is too. How do you choose what's more important—a lifetime of easy reproductive autonomy, or ratcheting down your risk of a deadly disease by marginal amounts?"

How Sleeping in Total Darkness May Help Fight Breast Cancer

You can turn off your iPad at night, but what if you work the night shift?

Immunotherapy Continues to Gain Traction

"We all get vaccinated when we are kids, and we know boosters can work for incredibly long periods of time,” Herbst explained. “That’s because the immune system has such a long memory. And with immunotherapy, if a tumor changes, the immune system can change to attack it too.”

And More Good News About Aspirin, Too

“People should talk to their doctors to make sure there’s no risk of bleeding, but the evidence is that everyone between 50 and 65 should consider aspirin.”

How Cancer Cells are Like Snowflakes and Fingerprints

"An important question about chemotherapy is whether resistant mutations already exist in a few rare cells in the tumour before treatment begins or whether they arise through natural selection as the cancer evolves during therapy."

I Hope This Isn't How My Colleagues/Friends/Neighbors Reacted to My Dx

At the very least, please see your doctor if you think something doesn't feel right.

A New Type of Therapy to Stop Metastases?

"Now, the duo have developed an improved version of their compound, which they hope will eventually prevent the cancers from spreading further once they have metastasized. And because it only blocks cancer cells from landing at their intended targets - it doesn't kill any cells, cancerous or not - the substance in theory is nontoxic."