Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Kindness of You

You people are incredible, you know that, right? Look what you did--almost $12,000!

I am going to walk my ass off this weekend (and possibly my toenails, too). And I am so grateful to be able to do it. I know how lucky I am. We'll see if I'm still saying that at mile 24.

However many blisters I accumulate or Advil I need to take, thank you all for supporting me--financially, emotionally, and otherwise.

I think you all know, especially if you've been reading here awhile, or--you know, just have common sense--that cancer has brought a lot of dread and pain and exhaustion to my life. And I think I've said it before, but it bears repeating. If cancer were a "gift," I'd give it right back. I'd say: No thank you, I've got plenty of stress already, do you have a J.Crew gift card instead? 

People ask me all the time how I stay positive in the face of this shitstorm.

Quinn, for one. While he can be an obstinate terror from time to time (like most 2-year-olds), he will then say to me just as I'm turning out his light at the end of the day, "Mom, I want to see your face. I need you," and my heart melts.

Chris, for another. I could probably write a book of Chris-isms and pass it off as inspirational daily quotes, if you like the no-b.s. approach. For example, the other night I started to get anxious about cancer, and Chris quipped: "Why don't you save your worry for a time when you're not able to walk 39.3 miles in a weekend?" Man makes a fair point.

But there is also all of you--my friends, family, distant supporters, former colleagues and classmates--who've commented here just when I need a pick-me-up, who've donated to my walk efforts even though I haven't seen you since at least law school graduation, who've sent me products that were the secret to my radiant skin during chemo, who anonymously sent me a $500 gift certificate to my hair salon just in time for me to need a haircut (or ten), who've shown up to help take care of me and my family when we needed it most, who remind me every day that I'm not in this alone. I am so blessed to have you in my life.

Yes, cancer has brought me more scars and anxiety and anger than I know what to do with, but it has also brought me closer to you guys, has shown me the meaning of kindness, has revived my faith in humanity. So even though I would give cancer right back if I could, it hasn't all been bad. Thank you for that.

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