On my way to pick Bug up from daycare today, I stopped at Safeway to buy an anniversary card for Chris. There's no escaping Breast Cancer Awareness at Safeway, with their pink streamers and balloons and t-shirts everywhere. But today I didn't mind so much. I was in a pretty good mood. I'd had a meeting with my oncologist this morning, and he did a breast exam. "I don't feel anything," he said with a huge smile as he felt for my tumor.
But on my way out of the parking lot, I must have cut a woman off. She blared her horn at me, gesticulating madly. When she revved her engine to catch up to me, and then pulled up next to my car at a stoplight, I rolled down my window. Maybe she'd see my headscarf and let it go, I thought. But she rolled her window down and yelled, "You didn't have the right of way! You didn't even look!" I told her she must've been driving too fast, that I hadn't even seen her. And then she flipped me off and sped away.
So much for letting it go.
My eyes burned as tears welled up, ashamed at how defensive I'd gotten, how angry a fleeting encounter with a stranger could make me. I wish I hadn't turned the blame on her. I wish I'd apologized instead, made chemo brain the scapegoat for my blind spot. I wish I'd pulled the cancer card, told her that I'm a little preoccupied these days. Maybe she would have smiled instead of giving me the bird.
Maybe all this breast cancer awareness is affecting my mood more than I think. Can we just find a cure already?